I'm coming to a conclusion of what I believe in. I was in debate with myself for a really long time; God or no God, Jesus? yes or no?, Buddha???? I didn't think that one fit. But I came up with an answer. I classify myself as Catholic because that's how I was raised. My grandma (who is probably a saint, by the way) is a great Catholic and I really respect that, but lately I 've been considering their political standpoints and realsied that I don't agree at all. Then I questioned the church's treatment of gay people, people of other religions, and even just regular "sinners." It is, in fact, quite hypocritical. Do unto others...bleh. Treat EVERYONE with kindness-love thy neighbor? I don't think that's how they work- I've seen them in action my whole life!So I figured out the following: I'm not religious, I'm spritual. I believe in inner peace and contentment. I believe in passiveness and tranquility. I think that the surest way into Heaven or Nirvana or whatever happens after death is to treat people with respect and kindness. But I don't think that sacrifice is nesassary. I think that you simply need to be happy with your inner self and the rest will follow. Maybe there is or isn't a specific "God," but if He does exist, then he doesn't want us to spend our entire lives in misery. He wants us to be happy (If He exists.)So yeah. I've been doing a lot of thinking. And if I ever do anything hurtful, stupid, and not beneficial to my inner peace, then I would appreciate it if you tell me. I want to enlist your help in making me a better person. Then please, let me help you. It's my thing.
I wrote this when I had to write an intro for myself a while back. I think it basically sums it up...
I'm wild. Deal with it. Sometimes I don't know if I'm perfectly crazy or stark raving sane-(i stole that.)But I love people. Yea people!I'm a fierce defender of those who can't defend themselves.I'm a Lord Of The Rings fanatic.I mocked Voldemort. Ask me how.I took 6 1/2 years of piano lessons but I'm not the best.My birthday's July 26th. w00t.My favorite color is green.I love to dance around the house and belt at the top of my lungs.Musical Theatre is my passion. BROADWAY!! hehehe.I have a funny and very loud laugh.I love inside jokes. OH NO!Hugging is my connection to people. I live for hugs. Chances are I will squeeze you so hard you will stop breathing. Don't worry, you are not alone. I also kiss everyone on the cheek. I'm just like that. It means nothing. I just have a need for human contact, to understand the people around me. Hugging and kissing is how I do it. You not comfortable? Tell me and I'll go hug someone else. I'm not going to forceably hug you. (hug rape...haha...inside joke)For fear of sounding concieted, I'm dang smart. Book smart, not street smart. I lack common sense sometimes.My short term memory is terrible. My long term memory is fantastic. I'll forget things that happened 5 minutes ago, but I can remember stuff that happened when I was 3.I love reading, everything about it. and all books except John Steinbeck's stuff. ewwww.....Sleep is good...coming from the girl who posted this at 140 in the morning.I'm a night person. And a morning person. and a mid day person. I'm just a person.
I have a great story about someone unexpectedly nice to me, and its a great example of how people should act all the time.One Wednesday night was the dress and tech rehearsal for our Choir Concert and everyone was stressing and not being thrilled and only giving 75% instead of 150% like they should. I myself was tired and not as enthusiastic as I should have been. So, because of our sub-par dress rehearsal, Dr. Carp told us we had to run it again from the top. She also told me that if my group's little quartet thing didn't improve, she would cut it from the show. Understandably, I was scared and nervous, so our group made plans to meet that night to rehearse. I called my mom for permission, and she said no. I was so upset at this and the fact that she didn't understand how important that rehearsal was to me that I started to cry. After we hung up, I threw my phone at my bag and kicked the wall. All of this sounds stupid and like I overreacted, but I was very upset and worried and mad at my mom. But very soon after that, I had to get ready to go onstage for the next song. As I was walking over to the stage door (still crying but trying to stop), a Show Choir boy named Charlie was walking in the opposite direction. Some background: Show Choir is the most elite of the choirs, its members are often very stuck up because they are the most advanced, and Charlie is a senior that is one of Dr. Carp's favorites. You can see why what happened next surprised me.Charlie looked at me and said, 'I hate to see people cry, come here.' He held out his arms for a hug and said 'I don't know why you are crying, and you don't have to tell me, but just know that it will all be okay in the end.' He then let go, patted me on the shoulder, smiled, and walked away. I was pretty much in shock; and, not crying anymore, I went onstage and sang. I felt much better and called my mom again and she said I could rehearse. Everything was okay, just like Charlie said it would be. But it's not over.The next day, before the show started, I was standing offstage waiting for Dr. Carp to start rehearsal. As I was standing there, Charlie walked by again. I looked up and smiled a bit, but didn't expect a response. But I was surprised again. Charlie looked at me, smiled, and said, 'Are you feeling better from last night?' I said I was, thank you, and he smiled, patted my shoulder, and walked away again.I am so touched by this display of compassion and thoughtfulness from someone I didn't even know and certainly didn't know me. I think everyone should act like Charlie and speak to each other like equals and fellow, sensitive human beings. My time at the show and rehearsal was made more pleasant because of the simple act of one boy.Isn't that a touching story? It was really nice of him. So that's the most exciting thing in my life right now that you all could understand, nothing school related or personal, just a universal statement of character. With that said, I love you all and wish that you all have a great week. Be nice, respectful, and compassionate, you may end up making someones day that much nicer.
